If I had a Baby Again this is What I’d Do Different

While I am staring at the big five-zero here in the next few months (and my baby years are far behind me) — what would I do differently if I were to get pregnant again? Today I want to share some insight into what all these years watching pregnancy has impressed on me to change what I’m doing.

And yes — this is from both my own 3 births, plus watching thousands give birth in the hospital and talking to millions online. It’s something I think about a lot. 😅

Low Pressure

This is the first thing that came to mind. I felt FAR too much pressure to:

• Clean my house (my husband should step it up more — I’m not saying I’m cool living with it dirty)
• Still attend all the functions
• Put myself into labor
• Manage full life postpartum

Those are just the few that came off the top of my head.

But the reality is you’re going a full on human inside of you, let that be your main goal. Allow the rest of your team to come in and do the other things.

And stop thinking you control so much (like labor) it’s just putting too much on you, and you don’t need that. You control a lot less than the world makes you think you do.

Now, this doesn’t mean you lay on the couch all day. Still use movement to your advantage. I was actually really good at doing stretching and some working out, plus my job was pretty movement-filled. But I wish I’d allowed myself more naps without feeling like I needed to do more….

Want to know more pregnancy tips — check out these posts:

• The Three Biggest Mistakes Labor Patients Make—And How to Prevent Them
• Mistakes You’re Making That Makes Labor Longer
• 5 Mistakes People Make Preparing to go to the Hospital to Have Their Baby
• 5 Mistakes People Make in Their Third Trimester

Live in a State with Maternity Leave

Clearly, you can’t really control this — but gosh, living in California with paid maternity leave was a world different in Utah where I had very few maternity leave benefits.

I had enough sick days to spread out and pay for my health insurance while I was off.

Lucky me.

I’m just saying when you’re considering where to live, especially if you want a family, this should be part of the discussion. That is all.

But, once you’re pregnant it sort of is what it is…. (and I get that).

Check out my full post on maternity leave.

Taken an Out of Hospital Birth Class

My hospital birth class just sucked.

It really made me a great patient, rather than preparing me for birth or to make choices on possible intervention.

Now, not all birth classes are like that. I taught for my hospital and I really tried to prepare them for both what to expect, and how to manage the hospital chaos. But, I think those types of classes are rare. Most nurses don’t re-design the curriculum (or have mangers who let them)…

I recommend this class. Plus, it prepares your partner too, which is a big win.

Want to know more about birth class benefits? — check out these posts:

• Do You Need a Birth Class if You Plan to Get an Epidural
• Alternatives to Hospital Birth Classes
• How a Birth Class Changes Pregnancy, Labor, Birth & Life With Baby
• 6 Lies You Hear About Birth Class
• Why are Birth Classes So Expensive?
• Do Birth Classes Improve Birth Outcomes? What do the studies show?

Kick Counts

I wasn’t the best kick counter — even though Kaiser gave me a laminated book to do them in (let’s remember smart phone apps weren’t really a thing when I was having babies).

I wish I did them better. I tried.

And honestly, that’s all we can do — but the data makes me realize the outcome could’ve been worse because I didn’t pay as close attention to fetal movement as I should have.

I may have been too busy with the dumb things in #1….

Again, your main job is to grow a healthy baby and monitoring fetal movement is one of the best ways to do that in your third trimester. AND Kick counts is an evidence-based way to do them. Grab my cheat sheet on how to do them here:

As a note, I also wasn’t great about SIDS precautions either. I think we can always look back at our parenting journey and wish we’d been a little safer. I definitely tried though, but I should’ve taken the bumpers off. I knew better.

Use a Midwife

I’m talking a Certified Nurse Midwife.

I just think they’re the bomb. There are SO many benefits to them. Most of all they tend to use less interventions and still have really great outcomes with birth.

I’d love one that is tied in well to an OBGYN office as well. More and more practices are allowing midwives to handle care, and consult an OBGYN or a perinatologist when necessary. But, you can still see them, they can help with your delivery, etc.

It works well for overworked OBGYN’s, and allows us to get better care.

I wish I’d used one, but they weren’t available where we had to have our baby — so, such is life.

If you’re not in love with your doctor, and you’re not past 30 weeks yet — check out a midwife in your area.

Again, a certified nurse midwife — abbreviated CNM — they can deliver in the hospitals and provide REALLY great care!

Check out this video with more info:

Get Induced if Needed

If you know anything about my birth story, I resisted an induction even at 12 days overdue and even when I decided on one I cried and cried.

Wasted life.

I had prodromal labor for weeks, my cervix was 5 cm — I honestly just needed my water broken to have that baby but instead I insisted that nature was the way.

I tried all the things to put myself into labor… but why on earth didn’t I just consent to an induction?

I don’t know — but studies really have proven that they’re safe after 39 weeks. I was 100% miserable being pregnant and thought I was going into labor every night. Plus, my cervix was ripe and ready.

I was dumb, I wanted control over things. Like an angry toddler I thought “I do it mySELF” — but ultimately I needed them to break my water. But oh no, there are more dumb Hilary stories ahead — keep reading!

Want to know more about preparing your body? — check out these posts:

• 4 Things You Can Do to Prepare Your Cervix for Labor
• Best Sex Position to Induce Labor?
• Pumping To Induce Labor? Will it work?
• Does Evening Primrose Oil Induce Labor?

Done Perineal Massage

I tore a lot with my first, although he was a forceps delivery, so it’s hard to know if that could’ve been avoided, but perineal massage has been proven to prevent the larger tears. I think it’s worth the effort.

Although the pre-labor-nurse-me might have felt icky about it.

The labor nurse me would’ve been fine with it.

Go Through a Birth Plan with Partner

I wish I’d thought through what I wanted for birth with my partner.

Honestly, I kept him pretty out of the loop — and he maybe could’ve talked some sense into me about the whole not being induced situation as I sat crying to him that my body wasn’t going to go into labor.

That’s what a partner is for — they’re there to talk thinks over. I wish I’d used mine more, but hey — I’m The Pregnancy Nurse — I’ve got this (spoiler alert: I did not).

We all need a partner, and I have a handy birth plan series for both of you right here:

Checked my Vitamins Better

I honestly just took whatever prenatal vitamin Kaiser sold in their pharmacy — but I wish I’d checked the levels better. The more research I’m finding out about Choline and other vitamins — I just think prenatal vitamins are something I could’ve done better on.

I like this guide from my friend Mckenzie who is a Dietician. She gives you the levels you should be striving for, and some good options to take (even if you can’t keep down those giant pills).

Want to know more about prenatal care? — check out these posts:

• Charlie Horses in Pregnancy: What you can do to prevent them?
• Pregnancy, Tylenol® & Autism: What Expecting Moms Need to Know
• Allergies During Pregnancy: What’s Safe and What’s Not
• 7 Habits of Happy Pregnant Women
• Month-by-Month Pregnancy Timeline & To Do List

Prepare Partner More

I WISH (especially on my first) I’d prepared my partner more about what he could do to help me both during pregnancy and birth.

I wish I’d taken a class that talked to him at all.

They were sort of an afterthought in my birth class. Honestly, it wasn’t all that helpful:

A birth class is a GREAT way to do this (even though so many are bad at it). I recommend this one.

Let them Break my Water Earlier

So, as I said above I was resisting that induction and boy oh BOY did I resist them breaking my water.

I knew as soon as my water was broken I couldn’t just go home — I had to have that baby.

So I didn’t let them do it, even though they asked a few times — I said no.

But, as soon as I let them do it — boom. Baby.

As soon as I let go my own control I had my baby.

Honestly, a life lesson. I’m a controller and maybe they did know best.

My bad. I’d do it differently next time.

Prepare for Postpartum

I’m always horrible at this. With my second baby I moved 10 days after he was born, and a few days before birth my mom said — “You know you can’t lift anything when you guys move” — and I was like 😵‍💫🤷‍♀️😕❓ — I’d honestly never considered my own safety in that scenario…

And yes, I was a labor nurse.

I just thought I could be superhuman. I wouldn’t bleed. Not me, I’ve got stuff to do.

Buying myself pads is always an afterthought.

BTW, if supplies are on your list of things to get — grab my checklist here:

Want to know more postpartum tips — check out these posts:

• First Poop After Delivery: Make it less-hard (literally)
• Your Guide to Your Postpartum Plan with Free Template
• Self Care During Postpartum & Pregnancy
• C-Section Recovery: Tips You’ll Need
• Postpartum Essentials for a Great Recovery

I just wish I’d prepare better for postpartum because I’m really bad at….

Give Myself Grace / Be Kinder to Myself

I know I went over this a bit at the beginning but these are words I type to new moms countless times during the day.

Please be kind to yourself.

Give yourself grace, this is really hard.

They were words I never said to myself.

You’re 5 days out, you should be driving the kids to school, why are you crying so much?

That’s what I said to myself.

I also wish I’d gone on anti-anxiety meds after my last baby. I was having panic attacks almost daily, but I knew it wasn’t postpartum depression so I thought I should just power through. That was a mistake. It’s not right for everyone, but it would’ve made my transition easier.

But, I’m here to say — let other people help. It makes them feel good, and you deserve it. You’re re-populating the earth single-handedly.

And I’m also hear to say that give you a few months and you can be that village that other people so desperately need. We have to be kinder, and more willing to help each other out. Give others grace.

It makes a better world for all of us. I love helping out new moms, it’s one of my greatest joys as a human. Please let me (or someone like me) do it for you.

Be sure to take a birth class that prepares you for realistic expectations postpartum. Far too many of us believe life will be like the photos we see on Instagram. It’s likely not. I recommend this class.

So, those are what I wish I’d done differently. What did I miss? Tell me in the comments!