5 Things You CAN Control in Labor (mostly)

My #1 truth about pregnancy and labor is to let go of control (because mother nature ultimately has the control for most of our pregnancies). However, there are some small things that you can control and I want to share those so you can get started on making plans for those things rather than wishing and hoping you knew when baby would come, wouldn’t have issues or that you mother in law will stay away 😅 (don’t worry, I have a tip for that one too).

I should note that a lot of these aren’t super true for a cesarean birth. There are things you can ask for, but sometimes because of safety procedures (which are very important in major abdominal surgery) they just can’t be adjusted much. BUT you can always ask. Nurses are like ninjas, we can sometimes make things work. 🙂

Note: I am not *AT ALL* saying you can’t refuse things. However, there is a lot in labor that is out of everyone’s control (hello 👋 mother nature). So, these are some areas you can feel in charge of.

The Environment

Most labor rooms come pretty bare-bones unless we’re talking oxygen and life-saving measures (and charting stuff — plenty of both of those things).

However, you can most often add things (some hospitals may be real sticklers about stuff, so asking on a tour or calling L&D is always a good idea before you get your heart set on stuff).

Things that people love:

• Music — bring a bluetooth speaker, or play it from your phone. I always love it when patients create a “vibe” in their room. Helps me get in their groove too!
• Lighting — want the lights dim, or full-on bright — let the staff know. I’ve also heard of people bringing their own fairy lights to put around the bed. This may be tricker (as we don’t want ANYTHING to impede us getting that bed out of the room in an emergency) — but ask if you think you’d like that!
• Aromas — You can bring in some essential oils or smells you find calming. This is a great one that the hospital can’t really say no to!
• The temperature — you may have control in your room or you may have to ask your nurse, but if you’re too hot or too cold let them know. Many patients also enjoy bringing in a portable fan if they get hot (you can use this one on your stroller too).

So, just like a hotel room you can set it up to what appeals to YOU.

Plenty of people also like to bring their own pillow or blanket (just be aware that labor can get VERY dirty — so be mindful of that).

This is also a spot where working on a birth plan can help. Mine gives you an idea of your choices so you have some ideas of what you can choose between (it’s SO helpful — and FREE):

Who’s There

Did you know that the patient has total control over who’s in the room (to a point, if the nurses feel like there is a safety issue they can restrict visitors, but that’s pretty rare – like if your partner brings a weapon).

That means if your partner wants his mom in there, and you don’t — you do get the final say on who’s in the room with you.

Pro Tip: Let your nurse be the “bad guy” — we’re happy to find a way to tell someone they need to leave when they’ve overstayed their welcome. Just tell us in the bathroom or slip us a note or something (or my favorite — come up with a code word upon admission). Like, hey — how’s the weather outside? Meaning – GET HER OUT.

Cesarean Tip: Most often you can have one support person it, but some providers will allow more. However, if you go under general anesthesia we usually don’t allow anyone in the room (but baby will be taken to your partner asap).

Want more C-section tips — get them here:

What You Wear

You really can control what you wear in labor. There may be a few rules that you want to follow (although not every hospital has these rules — so you should ask)

• Nothing metal (in an emergency cesarean it can cause burns)
• It may need to be cut-off (very rare, but I always want patients to know it could happen)
• Access is important — if you’ve having fetal monitoring we need access to your belly, if you’re having an epidural we need access to your back.

But, beyond that it’s really up to you.

Have a metal-free bra you love, there really is NO reason they shouldn’t allow you to wear it (I have a whole post on if you should wear a bra in labor).

Got a gown you brought from home — as long as it meets their safety standards you should be good to go.

If your nurse pushes for you to wear the hospital gown I’d say you’d just prefer to wear your own, but you understand that she’d prefer you wear the other one. I’d ask if there is any specific reason that they want you to NOT wear your preferred option. See if any of those make sense to you. If not, remember you can ALWAYS do what you want. They can NOT make you do anything in labor.

I have a whole post on what I recommend you wear in labor.

These “small” things are a great way to start making your voice heard in labor. Often they’re stuff that we’re “used” to doing but really don’t need you to do. Letting us know your wishes helps us tailor your birth to you.

I should also say that I much preferred to have all of “labor” happen on a hospital gown. It’s dirty and I don’t care so much about what I’m wearing. I brought stuff I liked for my postpartum stay at the hospital. Less likely to get dirty. So, you do you (I don’t want this to pressure you into thinking you have to buy something).

Speaking of postpartum, I think you’ll want a plan for that too — I just so happen to have one!

Pain Management

You have control over what pain management you use.

I hear a lot of people afraid of the pain, and I say that pain is one of the easier things to control in labor. That doesn’t mean it always works — but it often does.

There is 4 basic ways that we use in L&D — and I go over those in here:

The two most often-used ones are the epidural and natural pain management techniques.

I think it is SO important to learn about both of those options, so once you’re in labor you can make the choice that makes sense for you.

This class covers both of them, so you’re prepared for how your labor unfolds (not how you guess it will).

One of your worst moves is to get so attached to one type of birth that you feel bad when that type isn’t the one you end-up having. Having ideas and preferences are awesome, but you don’t know what birth will bring — so getting prepared for whatever comes is the smart, most trauma-free way to do it!

How You’ve Prepared

The MAIN thing you’re bringing into that room is you (and your partner). Your hopes, wishes, dreams anxieties — all of those are coming in the room.

When you come in unprepared for what is going to go on, those anxiety and fears tend to get larger, but when you ARE prepared you know what to expect and you’re just able to enjoy the day more!

I like to call it the scary stack. The hospital is an unknown and we just start piling on new things as you have your arms outstretched in front of you. As every new “scary” things starts to pile up you get overwhelmed, you just want to drop them all and scream!

BUT if you take a class and get prepared you don’t have to hold most of those books. Or, you’re qualified to ask questions that get answers and alleviate fears. It really is SUCH a different experience!

I have a whole post with the best 14 birth classes out there, but if you’re looking for my favorite it’s The Online Prenatal Class for Couples. Here’s why:

• It can be done from home on your own schedule in 20 minute “birth bites” that won’t overwhelm you.
• It’s MADE to do with a partner so you feel supported by a teammate!
• It’s created by an experienced RN who really knows what you need to know.

You can get started on your better birth right now!

Ok, so those are a few things you can control in labor — even though there’s a lot you can NOT control. Check out my full post on the myth of control — and I even have a podcast episode about it too.

I’m so excited for your birth! The more you learn what you can control vs no control the better off you’ll be as you head into parenthood!

I hope you’ll join me in The Online Prenatal Class for Couples.

Want to do a vibe check before diving into the whole thing with me? — check out my free labor pro tips. It’s your first step toward getting in the driver’s seat of your birth.