The Best Labor Advice You’ll Ever Get

You might be thinking it’s about a certain position to use, or a specific type of midwife to get — but this labor advice applies to everyone and honestly, at every stage. It’s just complicated in how to APPLY it to labor specifically, so I’ll share how to do that too.

But why should I be giving labor advice?? Hi, I’m Hilary — The Pregnancy Nurse®. I’ve been a nurse since 1997 and I have 20 years of labor and delivery experience. I’ve seen thousands of pregnant patients, given this advice just that many times, and helped millions of moms who visit my website and social media each year. I’m excited to share it with you.

Before we get started, I’d love to join you on your pregnancy journey giving some other great tips based on just where you’re at.

Ok, my best piece of labor advice is to:

Be Flexible.

And you might think that I mean to move more in bed, or stretch out more but I mean about your mind. But what exactly does that mean?

I am personally the kind of person who’s like — yeah, I’m totally flexible if you tell me where I need to be flexible, how long it will last and just how far I will need to flex — so if that’s you, I see you. 🙂

I actually have 3 of my VERY best tips for labor that people just think helps it be SO much better in here. It’s the easy way to get prepared!

How to be flexible in pregnancy & labor:

** I do think labor movement is SO important, but this one’s about your brain:

Give-Up Control

This is the first one, and boy oh boy am I bad at it! Especially as a nurse I think that I can control EVERYTHING. I can control your blood sugars, baby’s positioning, and your mood with just some quick fixes. WRONG {insert wrong quiz answer buzz sound here}

Maybe you’re the same. Maybe you can WILL yourself into not having diabetes, or if you just learn/work hard enough you won’t need an induction or an epidural.

But I, with my head hanging low in shame, am here to tell you that’s just not true.

There’s so much about pregnancy, labor, birth and life after baby that you just can’t control.

That isn’t to say you don’t get prepared…. but being prepared and having control are two VERY different things.

The extra annoying part is that we tend to pair them up together in our brains. If we’re prepared we also have control and that isn’t the case.

A lot of classes “sell” themselves by telling you that you’ll get the “perfect birth” if you take that class. Run from those. There is no perfect birth, and no amount or kind of preparation would get you close to it… Just a little soap box of mine. -H

So, for me when I notice I think I control something, I remind myself I can’t control that. I can feel very positive and hopeful (HUGE fan of that), but I don’t have control. That’s up to the universe and I hope things turn out OK.

So far, the universe has done pretty good to me (with many bumps along the way in which I thought it did not have my back).

Grab my pregnancy affirmations here to stay positive:

Switch it to Birth Preferences

Who doesn’t love a good plan? I mean, I adore it. As I write this I have a washi-clad planner sitting in front of me with a plan for the day. I have to do lists, and things I’d like to accomplish. I’m a huge planner.

But in my head I know it’s just hopes and dreams for the day.

When a kid calls with an issue, those plans may need to be put aside. If I wake up with a monster headache I may need to lessen my expectations for myself and the day.

And that’s OK. I don’t need to beat myself up for things not going perfectly every day (but don’t worry, I still do that, because I’m me).

Labor is just like that. It’s going to throw curveballs at your “birth plan” and you’re going to have to know how to bend and flex it to get through it!

That isn’t to say that I don’t want you to have a plan.

Just like me and my planner, I think a day in which you’ve thought about what you’d like to do is often the most productive. I think you need to have an idea of what you’d like your labor to look like (and especially even thought about your options, preferably with your partner).

I have a birth plan printable right here, plus a video on how we apply it at the hospital that I think you’ll find helpful:

One of the WORST “plans” you can have is being SURE that you will have XYZ at your birth. Be it a vaginal delivery, no epidural or no induction. Believe you me I can come-up with scenarios that might happen and it’s important to remember you don’t actually have control over all of that….

When I strip away the pretend life in which you have control, labor can seem extra daunting where “anything can happen”…. So I have a quick word of advice:

Most often things go fine…

It’s crazy to think that SO many things can go wrong, but most often they don’t.

Sometimes that just gives me a bit of comfort….

As someone who’s seen thousands of births, I’m always impressed by how the VAST majority of time things go fine and everything works out.

No, it doesn’t happen all the time, but knowing that most often things work out — it just helps me feel better…. but here’s my best tip for you:

Know How to Get Your Options:

Knowing how to understand your choices is one of the BEST ways to be flexible.

Because, just like those crazy circus performers, there’s a good chance we can, and need to be, flexible in a few ways.

BUT you need to know your options.

When providers come in to tell you what they think you should do, they often just say “I think you need an induction.”

Fun fact: Most people just want their advice and go with it, and so providers have gotten used to just saying what they think you should do and leaving it there, but you can be the one that wants more info, and there is NOTHING wrong with that.

Some things you can say after that is said:

• Ok, interesting, can you tell me what you’re seeing that makes you think that is my best choice?
• Do you think this is pretty urgent, or do you think there is some wiggle room?
• What do you think that will look like, or how would labor (or pregnancy) progress from there?

The reality is that most people don’t know how to have these types of conversations with people. But you are here and I want to help you know how to get your options.

Let’s give an example… your labor has sort of stalled out and your provider thinks they want to break your water. You’ve hoped to not have an epidural and you know that breaking water might make the contractions more painful (you learned that in here).

So, here’s a few things you could say:

• Oh man I wanted to wait (reminding them of your PREFERENCES), what would happen if I don’t get it broken right now?
• Can we re-visit breaking it in an hour? I just want to try to move a bit an see if I can get things going on my own….
• Do you have any advice on positions I could get in, or movements I could make to help baby get into the birth canal? Can I do anything else besides have my water broken?
• Are there risks to getting it broken now?

Doctors aren’t great at laying out the “con” list for their recommended intervention, so sometimes you need to ask. Using the work “risks” is smart because that’s their language and they can share those pretty easily.

Honestly, you may ultimately decide your water needs to be broken (check out my birth story to see how I handled this same situation, and let me say it wasn’t pretty). It’s in your best interest because you’d also like to get that show on the road.

Or, you decide it’s just too early. Maybe you’d rather go home or go on a nice lunge-walk around the hospital floor. All of the options are fine.

But they’re really up to you. Don’t let the provider tell you what’s going to happen. That’s not their job. Making choices is your job.

I really think that a lot of the time it helps to know what your choices are in advance. You might know they’re considering breaking your water, so that you’re sort of formulating a plan in your brain of what you’d like.

That’s WAY better than just being caught off guard that’s even an option.

And the thing is, labor is going to have a few of those “choose your own adventure” moments where you have to decide which road to take. Knowing the options in advance, and feeling confident is one of the best feelings in the world. That’s why I created The Online Prenatal Class for Couples. It’s really the easy way to get prepared for birth.

Couples who take it feel over 50% less anxious about birth and feel over 60% more prepared to handle it. I want that for you. I want you to be flexible, but also know what could happen. It’s the best of both worlds. Come join me!

And, if you’re not quite sure you’re ready for that whole thing, check out the free lesson from it. It’s your first step toward getting in the driver’s seat of your birth.