The BIGGEST Myth About Labor (bar-none)

Today I want to share the BIGGGEST that I have seen about labor, and this ends up catching people off-guard thinking they will be able to do it, but they just can’t. So, let’s talk about it.

I will have to remind you that I’ve seen this myth played out over, and over and over in the thousands of patients and couples that I have helped deliver, and echoed again in the millions of folks I help online. I have seen this a LOT (honestly, in most people)

Want to listen? I did a podcast episode where I explain this one more:

What is the biggest myth about labor? {drumroll please}….

That Pregnancy & Labor is Plannable

Now, in your mind, you’re saying — of course not Hilary that’s crazy town. I think most sane people are aware that pregnancy, labor and birth just sort of do their own thing. So, from an “outsider perspective” you get that it’s not.

But once you get into it, especially small things, you are grasping at straws for things that you can plan, or know when they’re happening….

This is a big plug for a prenatal class (even if you’ve had a baby before). Really understanding all the options in the choose-your-own adventure of pregnancy really helps you get the bigger picture and relax a WHOLE lot more. I recommend this one.

Let’s talk about some of the things people think they can plan.

When Labor Will Happen

I have to say, even your provider gets in on this. When they check you and see that you’re 1 cm at 36 weeks they say something silly like “won’t be long now”.

The really annoying truths about this:

What your cervix is now doesn’t mean anything about what it will be tomorrow or in a week

In no way is that cervical exam giving you a plan. It could tell you that you’re dilating a bit. or that you’re not — that’s about it.

The only people wishing this was more plannable than you & your family is your provider. SO, they will often grasp at straws, like a cervical exam to give you a mystical “plan”…. so, take it all with a grain of salt.

Now, a cervical exam when you’re contracting, that’s a whole other bag of chips and can tell you a bit more, but often not the whole story.

Their Birth

People think they can plan birth so much we have come-up with “birth plans”. And yes, I even have my own here (where I dive into WHY They’re important and it is 100% NOT planning your birth):

They think if they mark breastfeeding on that form, it will just happen (that didn’t work for me).

They think that if they mark “no c-section” on that form, it will just happen.

And while I am a huge fan of manifesting, I am also a believer that often stuff just happens.

Birth plans, to me, are thinking about what your options are going to be (which is where a birth or prenatal class comes in handy) so that you’re prepared if they pop-up NOT we’re going to do XYZ in that order because I have a PLAN.

Signs of Labor

I am a HUGE fan of knowing the signs of labor. I talk about them all the time (because a lot of them catch people off-guard).

However, so many people feel some back pain and think — this is it. Pack my back, I’m having this baby!

The thing is, you really don’t know it was really a sign of ACTUAL labor until you’re in actual labor.

I had a lot of the same signs days, weeks before — and clearly, not a sign of labor. Just part of pregnancy, and my body preparing for labor.

This is where it gets tricky. Getting prepared can give you a false sense of security that you know how things are going to go. In reality it just lets you know that you’re prepared no matter what happens today. And frankly, that is likely more important (it just doesn’t always feel that way).

Stress is Changing Things

I hear so often that people are stressing out about birth, or their baby’s position, or a recent ultrasound result.

There are some very limited things you can do to help those things, but a lot of it, again, you have no control over.

But, somehow in our minds, stressing is a way to change things.

But I am hear to say with my 47 years of experience behind me — stress is only giving you stress (which can have negative consequences). It doesn’t change outcomes.

One of my favorite things to ask my provider is — “can I do anything about this?” Like, let’s say baby is a low size on an ultrasound.

You can make sure that you’re eating across the rainbow making sure to get proteins and carbs at each meal, and stay hydrated. But that’s what you can do.

STRESSING about it can actually make it worse. Which, frankly, I think is one of the WORST truths of life. That stress is a circle that can actually make what you’re stressing about worse.

As a caveat, nurses are absolute stress cases. I really have felt that me stressing enough could change outcomes for my patients, but that isn’t true. I can prepare, I can get ready, I can use my experience to my advantage, but stress has never helped me out. And it won’t help you out either, I’m sad to say.

You Hold Onto Plans

I can’t tell you how many social media posts I see about “this is how you have a natural birth” — based on their one birth experience.

I would really try to not listen to stuff like that. Sure, it’s a great story, and it does show that natural birth can be possible — but it doesn’t show anything about YOUR natural birth possibilities.

When you hear people acting like you can plan birth, it’s time to swipe away.

You can get PREPARED but you really can’t plan. That’s really important to make that distinction in your mind.

What CAN You Plan About Birth?

Here are a few things you can plan on:

• Your due date is the average amount of time you’re likely to be pregnant — it’s a nice guess.
• You can find a provider you like and seems to be your best option close by
• You can pick a hospital that seems pretty great
• You can take a birth class that informs you of your options, so you’re prepared for what comes
• You can think about what life will be like after baby and how you will manage those concerns (a birth class can help a lot with this, because most people are clueless.

You can even grab my postpartum checklist here (a great way to get prepared):

With all of that, you have to remember your provider might not be on, and you may even end up going to a different hospital.

MOST OF ALL: You can take time for positive self care, because it’s HARD to live life like this. Especially as the one at the center of the show.

The Biggest Truth of Labor

Most people don’t have the labor they’d “planned” on. It just WAY different than they thought it would be. Even if they’ve already had kids, this baby will likely be different and wonderful in it’s own way.

The other truth is that those who are prepared, but ready to take labor/pregnancy as it comes have the best births. They often are also prepared for the fact that you can’t plan that baby either.

But, that’s a post for another day….

I have to say that I’m one of the biggest planners out there, and I really struggled with this — I still struggle with this as a parent. So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the unplannable, I am right there with you, I get it.

When you’re ready, come join me in The Online Prenatal Class for Couples where we get you prepared for the birth you’re going to have. I even have some helpful tips to not get so caught-up in the un-plannable and relax into it. I think you’re going to love it. The reviews show that the thousands of couples who have done it sure do.

And, if you’re not quite sure you’re ready for that whole thing, check out the free lesson from it. It’s your first step toward getting in the driver’s seat of your birth.