Feeling nervous about your upcoming birth? It can feel like you don’t have a lot of control in this situation, but I’m here to share 3 things that CAN help you feel a bit more in control and how to get started removing that anxiety a little bit at a time.
I have a bonus tip at the end too that can constantly help you remember that things will turn-out OK. So keep reading!
Write Down Birth Preferences
Birth plans… birth wishes… birth preferences.
The reality is that they’re just there for you to write down what you prefer to have happen.
They’re not orders, they’re not something we blindly follow as your labor progresses. It’s just you, in a calm state — telling us what you’d like.
I even have a printable you can grab and get started (plus some helpful videos to keep you in the right mindset):
{I just re-looked at that printable and it is seriously SO helpful — grab it!}
Hilary, you just said these things might not happen? How does this help me feel in control?
Great question.
Sure, you don’t have control over everything (gotta give that up ASAP as a parent). But, there are always going to be snippets of birth that you can control — what’s important to you.
Do you want to try to breast or bottle feed?
Anything you love in your environment? Dim lighting, music…?
Would you like to be able to get up and move a lot, or are you more of a bed girl?
To you, you think that everyone likes things like you do — but I can tell you that with all of those choices above, patients are all over the place. We’re all different!
And mostly it’s reminding you that you make the choices here.
Yes, mother nature might be kicking up a whirlwind of issues with you or the baby — but there are always choices you get to make.
When you think about what you would really prefer for your birth it’s just setting out your hopes and dreams.
Can hopes and dreams change? Absolutely? I have to say that my hopes and dreams as a new mom have actually been exceeded, even if small things didn’t go to plan.
There is so much in your future — I am just so excited for you!
Want to know more about birth plans? — check out these posts:
- What a Birth Plan Can ACTUALLY Do For Your Birth?
- Planning for Bump to Bassinet: Must-Have Resources for Expecting Parents
- Birth Plans: Wish Lists, Preferences, and Realities
- Birthing Plan: What Does Your Labor Nurse Think?
Get a Buddy!
Pregnancy can feel VERY solitary. It feels like you’re the ONLY one who is going through this and you just wish someone else felt like you did.
The reality is that your partner probably feels like that too. Partners have their very own set of complicated feelings.
When you guys come together, get a little vulnerable about how you’re feeling (both about pregnancy and birth) you can really come together to support EACH OTHER.
While I am here to affirm that pregnancy can be very difficult — it is easy to overlook what your partner is feeling (because it normally doesn’t involve the aches and pains). If you’re dismissing their feelings because they aren’t as physically uncomfortable that is a missed opportunity.
Talk about those anxieties together.
Make that birth plan up above together (half of it is about baby which they are just as involved in as you are).
Get a teammate, not just a cheerleader….
BTW if you’re feeling like they’re not as supportive as you wish << I have an article on that too.
Get Prepared
This is the thing you have the most control over, yet most people just leave it to some social media posts.
You have to get prepared for ALL of it, even the things you don’t want to think about. And yes, that includes inductions and cesareans (which are actually pretty hard to get good info about on social media).
I once heard it said that you only use about 10% of what you learn in a birth class, but everyone uses a different 10% and you never know what is going to be on the “test” aka — birth.
Let me give you 3 things about preparing:
- Don’t get overwhelmed – -some birth classes cloud 100+ hours of information. That even makes me antsy!
- Involve your partner – one of the worst parts of social media prep is that your partner isn’t doing the same, and you’re not on the same page at all.
- Do it. It’s really easy to buy a class, but less easy to actually get in there and do it — so make sure that’s the main goal.
You might be wondering when to get a birth class in? I’d recommend starting to look at classes around 20 weeks, starting it by the time you enter your 3rd trimester (37 weeks) and finish by about 34 weeks.
You know, the other day I was looking on Youtube for some information for growing cucumbers in Arizona. I was thinking how amazing it would be to run into a playlist that had everything I wanted in one spot (from gardeners we could trust for hot desert climates).
I mean, I’d even pay to stop wasting my time trying to find it on Youtube….
And then I realized that really is what a course does.
Is the information in a birth class somewhere out there on the internet? Yes.
Will it takes 100+ hours of time (and a lot of ads) to find all that info? Yes.
Will your partner watch that 100+ hours with you? Unlikely.
What if it was all in one spot, from a trusted source? It sounds pretty handy, right?
The Online Prenatal Class for Couples does just that. No clicking around, no repeat information, all of it from an expert. You can join it right here.
Ok, time for that bonus tip…
Bonus: No one else has control either.
I think we think that everyone else was somehow doing their pregnancy with a ton of control.
Sally down the road has special powers to control her body & baby to make it do what she wants.
Newsflash, Sally does not. not even close.
Take a minute and look at a bunch of elementary school kids at recess, or a preschool outside playing.
Look at all those kids. All those perfect examples about how it mostly turns out just fine — honestly, better than you could have hoped.
Do things go wrong? Yes.
Is the hospital prepared for things to go wrong? Yes (that’s why I love a hospital birth)
But most often things go fine. Maybe we don’t get all those tiny wishes, but maybe we get those big hopes and dreams.
When you see that kid living their biggest dreams it will remind you that this what it is all for. It wasn’t to birth perfectly, it was for those big hopes and dreams that will come true some day.
That’s all.
What are YOUR big hopes and dreams for your baby? Tell us in the comments. And join me in that class — I can’t wait to get started with you!
- About the Author
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A nurse since 1997, she has worked in various fields including pediatrics, geriatrics & hospice. She has 20 years of labor and delivery experience in the San Jose, CA and Phoenix, AZ areas.
As an evidence-based prenatal educator Hilary has delivered thousands of babies and has educated hundreds of thousands of parents from a diverse patient population to help them have a confident birth.
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