But first, how do I know so much about STD’s?  Hi — I’m Hilary, I’m The Pregnancy Nurse.  I’ve been a nurse since 1997, and I have worked as a labor and delivery nurse for 20 years.  I’ve done a LOT of STD tests on patients, I’ve had the tests myself and I’ve seen a LOT of results — so I think I’m a great resource for you!

What STD Tests are Given to Pregnant Women?

They most often test via blood for:

• Hepatitis (B and often also C)
• HIV
• Syphilis (called the RPR test)

They do swabs in your vagina for:

• Chlamydia
• Gonorrhea

They’re also going to do a visual inspection of the area for any herpes issues (genital herpes or warts) as well as take a history as to if you’ve had them previously (they can do a test if they think it is warranted).

They are recommended to be done on ALL pregnant women during routine prenatal care.  If someone shows-up to the hospital without prenatal care we do those test on them as well.

They may also recommend a pap smear that checks for cervical changes that may indicate cervical cancer. They are also going to check for GBS close to delivery, but that is not an STD.

Depending on your history as well as the area you live in, they may test for other diseases as well.

Most often they are done at your first prenatal visit, and may be done closer to delivery time as well.

BTW if you’re in a relationship and looking to make your pregnancy, birth and life after baby better — come join me in here!

Risks Factors for STD’s:

• Multiple sexual partners
• Under 25
• Sexual partner has multiple partners
• Partner has an STD
• Living in an area with a high concentration
• Previously having had an STD

Get more information on STD’s during pregnancy from the CDC: https://www.cdc.gov/std/pregnancy/stdfact-pregnancy-detailed.htm << that page has SO much good information (and is how providers determine what testing they do for you).

Should I get tested if I have no risk factors?

The main risk factor is having sex, and you have had that if you are pregnant.

My personal opinion is that all pregnant women should get tested.  I am personally in a monogamous relationship but I am well-aware that the only thing I KNOW has happened is what has happened with my own body.  I don’t know what has happened otherwise and I don’t want to risk my child’s lifelong health on my faith in my husband.

If you would prefer not to get tested, please talk with your provider about it.

Often, providers don’t discuss every test they’re going to give you at that first prenatal check-up (because there are a LOT of them). So, if you have questions, be sure and ask them what you are/have been tested for.

Symptoms of an STD

Symptoms can be “silent” often — so it is important to get the tests.  However, if you’re having changes in discharge, itching or burning do talk with your provider to check the area.  It could be an STD, a bacterial or a yeast infection.

And if you’re interested in staying healthy in pregnancy — grab my safe eating guide:

How are STD’s treated?

Bacterial infections are treated with antibiotics.

Is is MOST important that you:

• Take ALL the antibiotics that are given (if it’s a shot, that is clearly very quick)
• Do NOT have sexual relations until they say you are “clear” to do so

If you, or your partner have an infection you can just re-pass it to each other even if one is “clean”.

Then you get into a situation where you may have bacteria that is resistant to the antibiotics and can’t be as easily treated.

Viral infections (including Hepatitis, HIV and Herpes) have different ways that we deal with it. They can’t be cured during pregnancy (as of this writing), but some do have some antiviral treatment guidelines that can help with some sexually transmitted infections.  They may change what happens at your delivery, so talk with your provider about what to expect.

For example, HIV positive moms are usually encouraged to have a C-section vs a vaginal birth because the risk to the baby is lower.

Hepatitis B positive mom’s babies are given a special shot to help baby fight it right after birth.

Honestly, treatment of STD’s is often VERY easy — so get tested so you can easily treat it and move on.

This is super easy too.

What are the risks of STD’s during pregnancy?

They can cause:

• Preterm labor
• Infections in the womb or the baby if they are prolonged
• Lower birth weight
• Stillbirth
• Baby’s death shortly after birth
• Eye infections after passing through the birth canal

Most often the issue happens when the baby passes through the birth canal where the disease is, but some can infect baby in the womb and can be very serious.

Rise in Syphilis During Pregnancy

There has been a huge increase in congenital Syphilis in my time as a labor and delivery nurse.  I did not see any syphilis for YEARS of my career but there are many positive cases lately.  It can have HUGE consequences and must be taken very seriously.

It is important to know that it is PREVALENT in the United States.

Per the CDC Website:

Approximately 40% of babies born to women with untreated syphilis can be stillborn or die from the infection as a newborn. Babies born with congenital syphilis can have bone damage, severe anemia, enlarged liver and spleen, jaundice, nerve problems causing blindness or deafness, meningitis, or skin rashes.

Get more information here.

Prevention of STD’s During Pregnancy

Using condoms with partners who have or have previously had an STD is an important step to keep you and baby the most safe.  Talk with your provider about both what is happening currently and your sexual history.  Be honest, so they can give you the best advice for both you and your baby.

They may recommend that you abstain from sexual intercourse as you are being treated to be as safe as possible, and it is important to follow that advice!

When you’re honest, they can determine what you are at increased risk for, and they can recommend screening for you during your first trimester, and likely also during your third trimester as well.

There is absolutely NO reason to be dishonest in these scenarios. We see patients with all of these infections frequently, and we see it as something to fight, not something to judge. We really are in your corner, and we just want you safe and happy.

In my experience, some people avoid the screening recommendations because they feel like they trust their partner, which can lead to disastrous outcomes.  Even if you are NOT a high risk, public health experts would still encourage you to get perinatal testing done to just be sure — so that STDs aren’t an issue for you or your baby!

It’s also important to be honest with your partner so they know you’re not just getting tested because you don’t trust them, you’re just be sure that baby is healthy. And honestly, they should be glad to know because again — they only know what’s happened on THEIR end as well.

Good communication between partners is SO important for both of you during your pregnancy.  Come join me in The Online Prenatal Class for Couples — it is truly the EASY way to get prepared for birth.

And, if you’re not quite sure you’re ready for that whole thing, check out my free prenatal class. It’s your first step toward getting in the driver’s seat of your birth.

The post What STD Tests are given to Pregnant Women? appeared first on The Pregnancy Nurse®.

Hi — I’m Hilary — The Pregnancy Nurse . I have been a nurse since 1997 and I have 20 years of OB nursing experience, I am also the curly head behind Pulling Curls and The Online Prenatal Class for Couples. ​ I have helped thousands of pregnant families navigate birth and pregnancy, so I think I’m an expert on this one.

Ok, let’s dive into some of the best things you can do to support during pregnancy:

Talk About Feelings

This can be really difficult for some guys.  You feel like you need to keep your feelings inside and you may not be great at talking about feelings, but asking your partner how they are feeling and letting them talk can be a good way to get the ball rolling.

Pregnancy can be scary for a variety of reasons.  Her body is changing and weird things are happening.  She may be anticipating the fear of birth and how that will be (and wondering how supportive you’ll be then).  Her career trajectory may be changing and she’s not sure what that looks like.

It can also be really scary for you, changes in how much income is needed, changes in how much support your partner will be able to give to you.  All of these things can be really stressful.

The good news is that you have each other and you can talk through it all together.  Get good at talking about feelings.  It’s going to make you a great dad, and an even better partner.

Pro Tip: Sometimes your partner will talk about things they want you to fix, and sometimes they just want you to listen.  There’s nothing wrong in asking them what they want you to do about this.  You can’t read their mind, and that way you’ll know what they need from you.

Oh, and while you’re here — I have a whole tips for partners email series:

Be a Physical Support

It’s hard for you to imagine what it is like for her to have her body change so drastically. How certain moves are SO much different and how small helps can really help her out.  Most of this happens during the third trimester, but letting you know you’re there to help in any way.

Some ways you can help your partner:

• Lend a hand when they’re getting off the couch out out of bed
• Help them get of the car

Both of these are times that a pregnant woman’s pelvis can REALLY hurt, so just being there and doing ANYTHING you can to shoulder the burden can help a lot.

You can even help them with stuff like tying their shoes, and some people even go as far to help them shave their legs (your pregnant partner may not be loving that idea).

You’ll also want to consider jobs you can do around the house that they used to do but their body is just not making it very workable.  It may be a good time to re-assess who’s doing what and re-aligning those a bit more on the extra workload she’s taking on growing a human.

Do What They Ask

When your partner asks you to do something, do it.  Even if it’s not something you love to do — just do it.  There’s probably a lot of things that they’re not asking you to do, so when they ask, just aim to please.

If you need to write it down, do that, or set a reminder in your phone. That isn’t a weakness, it’s just how people need to be reminded.  Whatever you can do to make sure that you’re doing what they have asked, please do it.

Anticipate Needs

I agree, this one makes it seem like you’re a mind reader.  And you’re not.  While we know those things in our mind, we really wish that someone was anticipating our needs.  As Disney says — delight and surprise them.  I realize this isn’t doable all of the time, but when you notice she’s feeling particularly down about something, that is the time you can kick this into high gear.

• Refill her water cup
• Ask to rub her back or her feet
• Look at baby gear with them online, dream about how amazing it will be together
• Offer to make her favorite dinner (or go get her favorite takeout)
• Try to let them sleep as long/as much as possible by eliminating noise or light where possible

Like I said, this isn’t always possible — and frankly you may not get as many “thank you’s” as you do when you’re doing what they ask (she may very well wonder how she forgot that she filled her water cup).  But making her life as easy as possible is a huge win for her and you.

Learn About Pregnancy and Childbirth

It is easy to feel like she can take care of the whole pregnancy and birth end on her own.  Often you can’t make appointments due to your work schedule or they actually don’t help you learn much at all (looking those appointments in the second trimester, they can be pretty boring).  However you can work on learning about pregnancy and birth and fit it into your schedule pretty easily.

This can change depending on what trimester you guys are in:

First Trimester:  You can follow birth professionals on social media and start to get a handle on what is going to go on.

Second Trimester:  Research a prenatal class you guys can take together and purchase it

Third Trimester: Make time to take the class together, and review the material.  Have talks about what life is going to look like when baby arrives.

One of the BEST parts of The Online Prenatal Class for Couples is that I start those conversations for you guys, so you can really get on the same page before baby is born — which will ease mental burdens for both of you.

It will ease a LOT of fears of hers if you show you you plan to be there with her every step of the way through pregnancy, birth and postpartum / baby time.  It is a very natural feeling that she will be alone in this process (often because her own mom was left to struggle through a lot of this on her own) — so, showing her the hope that she won’t be will ease a lot of fear in her mind.

You may think that pregnancy and birth comes really natural to a pregnant woman, and she innately knows what’s going to go on — but the reality is that she doesn’t. Women don’t just “know” a lot of this (especially in our modern society).  Learning about it together, because you’re in it together is a great step towards confidence in that area for both of you.

Come join me in The Online Prenatal Class for Couples.  It is a course made for both of you.  It’s fun, it’s priced right and husbands actually love that thing (I have a LOT of men that course off of recommendations from other dads). It even has a tips for partners bonus video that will put you miles ahead of other dads!

And, if you’re not quite sure you’re ready for that whole thing, check out my free prenatal class. It’s your first step toward getting in the driver’s seat of your birth.

The post How to Be a Supportive Husband and Partner During Pregnancy appeared first on The Pregnancy Nurse®.

Here are my top five tips after seeing THOUSANDS of pregnant couples and having felt my husband was pretty darn selfish during my own three pregnancies.

Before we get started, let me introduce myself. Hi, I’m Hilary — The Pregnancy Nurse . I have been a nurse since 1997 and I have 20 years of OB nursing experience, I am also the curly head behind Pulling Curls and The Online Prenatal Class for Couples. ​ I have helped thousands of families navigate pregnancy together, during all types of stages. I have some quick tips for when husbands seem particularly selfish that I think you’ll enjoy.

Of course, my #1 tip is to take a CLASS together so that you’re on the same page for this pregnancy. Even if you feel like you’re “early” — now is a good time to plan to do the class together. It’s one of the most supportive things you can do for each other!

I also chatted about this on my podcast (click here to subscribe on Apple Podcasts)

I also have an email series JUST for partners that might interest them:

Tips for Your Selfish Husband During Pregnancy:

It’s Hard on Him

I know, it’s hard to imagine how it could be hard on him during pregnancy, but the further away from having my own babies I am – I’ve started to look at dads in a new light.

To have this HUGE life changing thing going on and have ZERO control or really experience with it.

He doesn’t get to know the baby, or feel the baby, or really get that it’s all happening.

I almost feel like it’s an arranged marriage where he just shows up and takes this baby as his forever.

I know, it’s different, but remember Dads are going through a LOT of emotions and have no explainable reasons for them (like hormones).

Accept It’s Not Fair

Under no circumstances is this fair. You’re growing the human, he is not.

You honestly just have to accept that.

And frankly, now is the time to stop the game of “this isn’t fair”.

If you choose to breastfeed, you’re going to be feeding the baby while he can’t. And it is likely that your child will come to you for care tasks that you just are more adept at (and likely they’ll go to your husband for other things).

STOP the “fair” game. It just isn’t and it never will be (and that’s to say that sometimes your husband will do more than you in this parenting game).

What Do You Need?

Just tell them what you need.

You can’t expect them to read your mind…. for a few reasons:

• No one reads minds.
• Your mind is VERY different than it was pre-pregnancy, so essentially you’re just a different person now.

So, if you want your feet rubbed, you may need to tell him which lotion and how to rub. My husband sort of squeezes the bones of my feet together when he rubs them, which is super painful. So, I’ve just had to be really explicit about what I liked and what I didn’t like.

Just be truthful about what you need. And tell them that this isn’t to hurt his feelings, you want to be really clear about what you need as you’re growing a human — because you don’t want him to waste time guessing.

Form a Team

Pregnancy can feel VERY ALONE. You feel like you’re fighting a war or building something all alone.

But you 100% have a partner. They started all of this with you and they can help.

Form an alliance.

Share the good and the bad that’s going on, so they know.

Care about how work is going for them and see what types of worries he has.

You’re a team and you’ve never needed a teammate more than you do right now.

Get Prepared Together

Like I’ve said — your husband may have stresses and fears about pregnancy/delivery/newborn life that they don’t really have the words to talk through with you.

They may have ALL SORTS of questions they feel weird asking.

Which is why I recommend a class you can take together.

The Online Prenatal Class for Couples:

• Is created for couples just like you — and has couples questions to start all the great communication you two need!
• Can be done in just 3 hours if you want (husband can do just the 3 hours, and you can dive deeper into all the other resources that you have an interest in).
• It comes with a BEST PRICE Guarantee (and husbands love that one).

I love what Lindsey had to say:

“My husband & I LOVED Hilary’s course. It was so convenient to pull up whenever we wanted (even car rides!) and he especially appreciated the questions so we could go through this together. She is so knowledgeable yet concise – GREAT class!”

Lindsey — a Recent Online Prenatal Class for Couples participant

I know, it’s just ONE more thing you have to do — but most couples find that class really fun to do, and it really helps prepare them to be on the same together. I hope we will see you in there!

Signs of Unsupportive Husband During Pregnancy

Here are my top five signs of an unsupportive husband during pregnancy:

1. Isn’t supporting you in the choices that affect you an your body (while you are both the parent, your body is going through a lot for this baby already)
2. Isn’t interested in concerns you have about the pregnancy — doesn’t want to talk about them.
3. Isn’t willing to communicate with you over your pregnancy needs
4. Isn’t willing to give financial support to you for the pregnancy
5. Isn’t committed to your relationship as a married couple at this time

Yes, those are fairly vague — but you have to remember that you may SEE things as unsupportive (like, him picking work over coming to Dr’s Appts) when he really sees them as supportive — so make sure that you communicate (#3 in that list is so important) over how you see them — and be willing to see things from his side as well.

Unsupportive Husband during Pregnancy FAQ’s

Taking a class together will help foster communication about the upcoming life events you will experience. I’d love to see you in The Online Prenatal Class for Couples.

And, if you’re not quite sure you’re ready for that whole thing, check out my free prenatal class. It’s your first step toward getting in the driver’s seat of your birth.

The post What To Do About A Selfish Husband During Pregnancy? appeared first on The Pregnancy Nurse®.

Before we get started — Hi — I’m Hilary — The Pregnancy Nurse . I have been a nurse since 1997 and I have 20 years of OB nursing experience, I am also the curly head behind Pulling Curls and The Online Prenatal Class for Couples. ​ I have seen thousands of couples (most of which were not married) have babies together, so I’m a great resource for this!

I also have a quick email series just for partners:

Let me me clear on this fact….

It is normal to freak out when you find-out you’re pregnant

Even though I was in a committed relationship I still freaked out every time I found out I was pregnant. It’s a huge life change and one that comes with a lot of emotions. All of that is very normal, so don’t shame yourself for doing just that.

Talk to your girlfriend about her feelings and listen to what she has to say

The keyword in this one is to listen. Learn what she is thinking and feeling as this could be a very exciting moment, or it could be a crossroads.

If you are looking into options to not raise the child you’ll want to find some good resources in your area to start with. A local obstetrician or family planning clinic often has some good resources to start with.

Offer your support, both emotionally and financially

No matter what decision your girlfriend makes, it’s important to offer her unconditional support. Be there for her emotionally, and if necessary, provide financial assistance as well. If you are able to help take care of the child together or give your girlfriend the resources she needs to raise a child on her own, then be sure to do so.

Things she may need help with:

1. Getting to/from appointments
2. Signing up with insurance (be it yours, or medicaid, etc)
3. Finding a doctor

ALL of that is something you can most DEFINITELY be there to help with early in her pregnancy.

Make an appointment with a doctor as soon as possible

It is essential that she schedules an appointment with a doctor as soon as possible. The doctor will be able to provide her with important information about her health, the health of the baby, and any potential risks associated with whatever decision she is wanting to make.

If at all possible (and if your girlfriend wants it) I would attend that first appointment to both give her support and find out as much information as you can.

That being said, the patient is her, and she can ask you to not attend, so be mindful of that.

Help your girlfriend get ready for the baby

Once your girlfriend has made the choice of how she wants to move forward, it’s important for her to get ready for the baby as soon as possible. There are many things that she’ll need to buy or do in order to prepare, from purchasing a crib and car seat to attending childbirth classes and scheduling regular doctor visits. Offer your help and support in any way that you can.

Being creative in things that you can help with will show her that you love and care for her, and you plan to be present when the baby is born.

Find someone to talk to

It’s normal for both of you to experience a range of emotions during this process, so it’s important that you both find someone to talk to – whether it be family members, friends or even professional help.

You will definitely want to discuss this with your parents as soon as possible. They may be happy or worried, but either way they do want to know.

No matter what steps you’re taking, make sure that you take the time to process your thoughts and emotions during this difficult process.

Join a Prenatal Class

Having a child is both exciting and overwhelming, and getting prepared for the birth (and what will happen) is a big step for both of you. I offer The Online Prenatal Class for Couples that was created to get BOTH of you prepared for the upcoming birth!

Support your girlfriend through the pregnancy and childbirth process

The pregnancy and childbirth journey can be a rollercoaster of emotions. Help your girlfriend stay positive and stress-free by helping her with everyday tasks like grocery shopping and meal preparation, taking care of the house, running errands and providing emotional support when needed.

Be a responsible father once the baby is born

Once the baby is born, you’ll need to take responsibility for your role as a father and provide support for both your girlfriend and the baby. Whether you are raising the child together or living in separate households, be sure to stay involved with your child’s life. Offer financial help where necessary and make time to spend with them on a regular basis.

Being a father is an amazing experience, but also comes with its challenges. Make sure you take the time to research and educate yourself on everything related to parenting before taking any steps forward.

If your girlfriend is pregnant, the most important thing you can do is be there for her emotionally.

Offer support and understanding during this difficult time. You should also educate yourself on what to expect during pregnancy and childbirth by taking The Online Prenatal Class for Couples. This will help you be prepared for the upcoming changes in your life and relationship. By being supportive and informed, you can create a positive experience for both you and your partner as she goes through pregnancy and becomes a mother.

And, join that partner email list to help give you a few ideas with all the changes that are happening:

The post What to Do If Your Girlfriend is Pregnant appeared first on The Pregnancy Nurse®.

While I will use the word husband at times in this post, please do know that I mean husband or partner in this case. Both will need to be handled similarly.

Before we get started — Hi — I’m Hilary — The Pregnancy Nurse . I have been a nurse since 1997 and I have 20 years of OB nursing experience, I am also the curly head behind Pulling Curls and The Online Prenatal Class for Couples. ​ I have been pregnant three times myself and helped millions of other moms handle their pregnancies online, so I’m a good resource for this (and I get this question a lot).

Don’t miss my post on being a supportive husband during pregnancy that has the tips for them!

How Can I Get My Husband To Be More Supportive During Pregnancy?

Let’s go through 5 ways to deal with an unsupportive partner during pregnancy (and hopefully make him your supportive partner instead):

Understand why your husband is the way he is:

First, try to understand why your husband is not being supportive. Is he feeling left out or overwhelmed by the impending arrival of the baby? Is he worried about finances or lack of sleep? Talk to him about his concerns and see if you can address them together. It’s important that he feels like a part of the process and that his concerns are being heard.

Communication is often the issue. Your partner may not even know what you need (and hence, can’t read your mind, sadly).

Take some time to really chat about what your needs are, how you are not feeling unsupported and see what his needs are as well.

Pro Tip: Remember to just state the facts — I am really tired at work, I could use some more help around the house while I am growing a baby — instead of, I feel like you don’t do anything to clean up the house and rely on me doing all of it. Just the facts m’am.

Oh, and remember that pregnancy and childbirth may be things your partner has really never considered during their life, so this may all be REALLY freaking them out! Which frankly, is fair. It’s a lot (and one that they have NO control over). That is totally normal

Another plug for communication before we move on. Great communication skills will serve you SO well as you move into the parenting phase of your life!

Check your bias

Do you have romance novel ideas of how your husband will care for you during this pregnancy? Perhaps you want them to come to every prenatal checkup but they drive him crazy and he doesn’t enjoy them.

Maybe you envision him as your own personal Uber eats who knows EXACTLY what you want to eat when you want it.

Now, I’m somewhat exaggerating, but the reality is that the relationship doesn’t exactly change during pregnancy. He may become more supportive, and it may all just be freaking them out.

And please don’t forget that your hormones are all over the place. So whe you think is insensitive now is how he’s always treated you and he has no idea he’s being an “unsupportive partner” now.

Either way, this isn’t a romance novel and a pregnant woman needs to be really mindful of fantasies of what it “should” be like. Talking with a group of friends who’ve been pregnant may remind you that these are just fantasies.

Your husband may not be able to be what you need:

In some cases, your husband maybe just can’t be what you need. It may be a fact that pregnancy really grosses him out and he does NOT want to talk about the nitty gritties. Or, he just really can’t bring himself to care as much about specific things related to the pregnancy as you are.

If your husband is simply not interested in anything related to the pregnancy, it might be helpful to find other outlets for support, such as joining a prenatal yoga class or talking to friends who are also pregnant. It’s important that you take care of yourself emotionally and physically during pregnancy, so don’t be afraid to seek out support from other sources if necessary.

Remember, they aren’t your SOLE support, they’re just a good pillar of support. Also, if this is the case, I’d seek out ways that they are helping being supportive in other ways. Taking out the trash, cleaning the litter box, etc.

This is temporary

Finally, try to stay positive and remember that this is only a temporary phase. Your husband may come around eventually and start being more supportive as the pregnancy progresses.

I know that when I feel particularly down I feel like I have no control over a situation and it’s never going to change. Except with this, you know it’s going to change. You’re not going to have swollen feet, or growing out of your clothes forever. This is entirely temporary.

In the meantime, do your best to take care of yourself and reach out to others for help when needed.

Get them involved!

This one feels easier said than done, I’ll agree. But getting your partner involved in the process is a big step.

Remember, you’re feeling that baby move and you KNOW something is happening. They may have felt a few soft flutters outside your belly, but in reality they have a LOT of changes that feel VERY overwhelming for them. So be mindful that they really aren’t involved in it yet.

So, take a prenatal class that is created for couples so you can get prepared for your upcoming birth.

The Online Prenatal Class for Couples was created for busy couples to get prepared together in just a few hours. In fact, a LOT of partners buy it, and a LOT of the reviews say it was “fun” and I can guarantee this isn’t true for most prenatal classes.

Don’t miss my post on dealing with a selfish partner during pregnancy for more tips!

Unsupportive Partner During Pregnancy FAQ’s

Is it normal to fight with your partner during pregnancy?

Pregnancy can be a stressful time, and couples may find themselves disagreeing more often. However, it is important to communicate openly with your partner and try to resolve conflicts in a constructive way. If you are struggling to get along, consider seeking counseling or therapy.

Considering ending your relationship while pregnant?

First off, let me just say I have been here. And I’m still married. I just felt SO much weight directly on me during pregnancy, and he had zero clues that it was SO hard on me and really didn’t seem to be making efforts to make things easier.

That being said, It’s a big decision to make, and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. If you’re considering it, it’s likely because you’re feeling overwhelmed and stressed out, and you’re worried about how your spouse or partner will react.

Remember that your hormones are all over the place right now, so try to be patient and kind to yourself. Talk to your friends or family members who have been through it before, and get their advice. I often felt good knowing that other people felt like they had an insensitive husband during pregnancy as well (especially when I think their marriage looks great from the outside). In the end, it’s up to you what you want to do, but keep in mind that your baby needs a dad too.

Whatever you’re doing, try not to make choices in the middle of mood swings. That won’t serve your future well (many people say to not even change your hairstyle drastically during pregnancy).

If at all possible (and if you are safe in your home environment) I would recommend seeking counseling before making ANY choices. It can be so beneficial for both of you.

To sum it up, remember that MANY people feel like their partner isn’t being as supportive as they’d like during pregnancy, and the best way to change that is through thoughtful communication and getting them involved.

Send them The Online Prenatal Class for Couples, maybe it’s just the thing he needs to feel like he’s part of this too. I created that class to help partners feel more part of the TEAM rather than just a cheerleader.

And, if you’re not quite sure you’re ready for that whole thing, check out my free prenatal class. It’s your first step toward getting in the driver’s seat of your birth.

The post Dealing with an Unsupportive Husband During Pregnancy: Insensitive partners appeared first on The Pregnancy Nurse®.

If your aim is to induce labor — check out my post on if pumping will induce labor.

Questions like this are more common than you might think. Pregnancy brings up a lot of changes — physically and emotionally — and many couples are just trying to figure out what’s safe and what’s normal. Getting clear, trustworthy information can help you feel more confident, less anxious, and more connected as a couple.

Is it ok to breastfeed my husband (or partner) while pregnant?

Most often yes, although you likely won’t have any breastmilk, partners can suck on your breasts if you’re OK with it. However, it can stimulate contractions, so if you have any preterm labor precautions you should avoid it — and talk with your provider about what is OK (or not OK).

BUT, it’s complicated….

Breasts are often part of a sexual experience for both partners. When I saw this topic come up it looks like most of the information out there is more about the sex rather than the risks and the benefits — so, let’s talk about the benefits and also some of the concerns about breastfeeding your partner during pregnancy (and beyond).

While you’re here, grab my hospital packing list to be prepared for that.

Risks to breastfeeding your husband while pregnant

The main risk would be that breast stimulation can sometimes cause or progress preterm labor (it can release the hormone oxytocin, similar to labor). So, if you’ve had some contractions before 36 weeks, or are on bedrest, or medication to stop them, you’ll want to refrain from extra nipple stimulations with your partner. You definitely don’t want early labor from something preventable like this.

The other risk is that your breasts are likely extra tender. If they do things like aggressive sucking, biting or something like that it will be extra painful…. Your partner should be aware of that.

If you’re doing this to actually nourish your partner that isn’t going to happen, so I guess that could be considered a risk?

Here’s a few other risky things in pregnancy:

• Is It OK To Eat Beef Jerky While Pregnant?
• The Fear Of Miscarriage Or Loss
• 6 Tips For Winter Pregnancies
• The 5 Worst Pieces Of Pregnancy Advice I Have Heard
• What STD Tests Are Given To Pregnant Women?

If you’re wondering about this, you’re not alone. Many couples have questions about intimacy during pregnancy but aren’t sure where to ask. Having accurate information can take away a lot of the uncertainty and help you make decisions you both feel good about.

Benefits to breastfeeding your partner while pregnant

The benefit would be a closer relationship with them — which is also very important with all the big changes you’re going through together.

Many husbands find the expanding bustline of a pregnant woman extra attractive, so it would be natural to want to take that into the bedroom.

Many women enjoy their new breasts, and feel extra sexual with them, and this might appeal to them as well.

It looks like some people believe that this extra nipple stimulation will help with your lactation, and that likely isn’t true. Most often you aren’t going to have much breastmilk at all until the baby is born. And “roughing” up your nipples is an old wives tale. I do have a post on if leaking colostrum is a sign of labor though.

The way a newborn sucks at your breast is different and may still take some getting used to if you’ve had other suckling previous to it.

Most of all, I want you to be sure that you’re enjoying it. If you’re not at risk of preterm labor, and you enjoy it — then it’s likely fine. Although if you have ANY questions at all, do ask your provider at your next visit.

Something along these lines — “My husband really likes to touch my breasts, is that OK?”

You may want your husband to suck at your breasts, but they may not enjoy the idea — so make sure you talk about it and see what works for both of you.

Honestly, I always found my partner to be a tricky subject when I was pregnant. Maybe you feel that way too?

I felt like he didn’t do enough, wasn’t involved enough…. or sometimes was involved too much. I also had a hard time talking about what I wanted and what our future looked like.

We took a birth class that helped remind him a BIT that a baby was coming out but I then found this class. It is created to make partners a teammate instead of just a cheerleader.

I know you’re out here checking out information about pregnancy, but likely — he isn’t, which means you’re leaving them behind. You don’t want to do that…. (in my experience)

(Also, that’s one of the only classes I’ve found that also includes a breastfeeding class from an IBCLC, so important!)

Is it safe to breastfeed while pregnant?

You will definitely want to talk with your provider if you’re planning to breastfeed during your pregnancy. It’s just something they should be aware of (they’ll want to be extra cautious of your nutrition etc). They can also discuss any issues you should watch for.

In this section I am mostly talking about breastfeeding previous baby vs “adult breastfeeding”.

Many people continue to breastfeed a previous baby while they are pregnant.

Although, most women find that their supply diminishes as their body is already growing another baby and can’t really do the work to nourish both of them. Plus, with all the pregnancy hormones, your breasts may just get confused and turn off.

However, if you still have breastmilk and you are both enjoying it (and you don’t have any complications that nipple stimulation could increase) there is no reason you need to stop. My friend Katie has a great post on breastfeeding during pregnancy.

That being said, you should not feel guilty if you need to stop due to your increased breast tenderness, or just wanting a break. Breastfeeding while you’re pregnant can bring up a lot of emotions about how things are changing etc, — so listen to yourself on this one, and be kind to yourself.

A big part of preparing for birth is understanding your body and feeling confident in your choices — even when it comes to more personal topics like intimacy. The more informed you are, the easier it is to navigate these changes without stress or confusion.

Here’s a few other safety tip posts:

• What Cough Medicine Can A Pregnant Woman Take?
• Can Women Drink Gatorade During Pregnancy?
• Sunscreen Safety with Samantha Radford from Evidence-Based Mommy
• Safe Cleaning Products for Families with Dr Samantha Radford, from Evidence-Based Mommy
• What Deli Meats Are Safe To Eat During Pregnancy?

Is it safe to breastfeed my husband if we can’t have sex?

Some of you may wonder can my husband play with my nipples during pregnancy? This is a valid question. For some people it will be safe, and for others it can cause preterm labor.

For a variety of reasons, your provider may recommend that you not have sexual intercourse during a certain period of your pregnancy.

You may be looking or other ways to be sexual — however, if you’re considering breastfeeding (or just sexual nipple stimulation), please talk with your provider for their expert advice. There may be reasons they don’t want you sexually stimulated at all. Or, breasts may be OK to use if the issue is just with your vagina.

Don’t be afraid to have these difficult conversations with your provider. It may be weird for you, but I will promise it is all in a day’s work for them. It is not weird at ALL for your providers. we want you safe and happy — that’s what’s most important to us!

Heads up! There may be affiliate links in here – I might earn a smidge with your click. No cost to you, just good vibes! Check my boring stuff for deets.

Is it bad to want to breastfeed my husband during pregnancy?

I think a lot of women wonder what breastfeeding will be like — and if it will hurt, so they try breastfeeding their partner. They may also be very proud of their expanding breasts and the idea appeals to them sexually. All very normal feelings.

You just want to make sure you’re doing it safely especially if your pregnancy is considered high risk.

Having conversations like this might be hard, but it’s really important to start now. You’re having this baby as a TEAM (which means you should get prepared as a team right here).

Can Husband Drink Colostrum During Pregnancy

You may have a small amount of colostrum coming out during pregnancy.

It’s fine if they “drink” it and it may seem like a lot in your bra, it likely isn’t much. But, no harm to it.

Many may wonder can your husband drink the breast milk of his wife during pregnancy? Colostrum is just usually the first milk. It’s more clear than “milk” (like what you’d get in a jug from the store) but most people figure it’s “milk.” It will change as your baby ages and get more white.

What does breastmilk taste like?

Most people describe it as sweet. If your partner wants to taste your breast milk there’s no reason to not let them try it (unless it grosses you out). If you have a low milk supply though, you’d want to reserve most of it for the baby.

Does leaking breasts mean good milk supply?

Not always. Some pregnant women will find some leaked breastmilk on their nipples, and some will not — and there doesn’t seem to be any correlation between leaking and good milk supply later on.

If you have concerns about breastfeeding, or you’re wondering about your milk supply, see if you can talk with a lactation consultant in advance. At the very least, take a high quality breastfeeding class.

The Bump to Bassinet Bundle option of The Online Prenatal Class for Couples actually has a whole breastfeeding class included making it a HUGE value!

Does breastfeeding hurt?

While breastfeeding shouldn’t “hurt” — you’ll likely find the first few sucks to be uncomfortable for the first week or so. It’s just a tender part of your body that hasn’t been used that way previously, and the tissues need time to adjust to their new job.

If you find that baby’s suckle hurts you’ll want to un-latch them, and try again. Letting them have a poor latch doesn’t help as they aren’t getting much breastmilk that way, and they could be damaging your nipples. Poor latches can lead to blisters or bleeding nipples which you definitely want to avoid!

If your baby needs a tongue or lip tie release it may hurt more (and you’ll need help fixing that).

Also, make sure to put nipple cream on after every feeding those first few weeks. It can really help.

Here are some more breastfeeding tips posts:

• Breastfeeding Not Working: Transition from breastmilk to formula?
• 5 Mistakes Families Make Preparing For Delivery
• Things To NOT Do After You Have Your Baby
• All in One Birth Class: Prenatal & breastfeeding Included
• How to Prepare for Breastfeeding: A Breastfeeding Checklist

My husband wants to breastfeed after the baby is born

Your breastfeeding relationship is something your husband may be a bit jealous about. He may be sexually interested in your breasts (and you have been counseled by your provider to not have anything in your vagina for six weeks+ after birth). Just make sure you’re both OK with it. Many women enjoy the sensation of breastfeeding their partners, but many also are tired of things touching their breasts and want to be left alone. Both are OK and your partner should be OK with whatever you want.

Be sure to share your concerns about breastfeeding your husband in a kind way where they understand that your breasts are just tired after feeding a human, vs you just not loving them anymore.

Pregnancy can be a fun, exciting and difficult time for relationships — so navigating them together is your best bet. Make sure you’re always communicating and staying in touch with what you each want.

Starting good communication early is a BIG win — The Online Prenatal Class for Couples has questions aimed specifically to help address problem zones. Couples love how it gets them discussing important issues early.

I love what Jeff + Christie said about the class:

“This class was absolutely perfect! We wanted something that kept things lighthearted, while preparing us as much as possible for the birth of our daughter! The content was succinct and extremely helpful and the couples questions were great!”

Check-out the Online Prenatal Class Reviews here!

And, if you’re not quite sure you’re ready for that whole thing, check out my free class. It’s your first step toward getting in the driver’s seat of your birth.

I also have a video on this same topic:

The post Can I Breastfeed my Husband During Pregnancy? appeared first on The Pregnancy Nurse®.

Will I feel “different” during sex while pregnant?

You may well. If you do it would most likely be from those tissues swelling with increased blood flow. This may be true for both you and/or your partner as well.

Remember, this partnership needs to extend beyond the bedroom. Get prepared for birth together here!

What Changes in My Vagina During Pregnancy?

Ok, some people aren’t really aware of how the vagina relates to the baby.

First off, you have three holes:

• Urethra — this is where the urine comes out, it is covered by your vulva.
• Vagina — this is where you have sex, and the birth canal (also where blood comes out during your period)
• Rectum — this is where the poop comes out

During pregnancy you have an increased blood flow to that entire zone due to the change in blood flow to your uterus. And, because a lot of these tissues can fairly easily swell — that blood flow can often change them more than other parts of you.

Beyond the increased blood flow, you also have hormonal issues causing changes in these areas as well (like puberty, but even more).

There are changes to all of this area during pregnancy.

The vulva may feel different — or, it may be a different color than it used to be. Many women say that it is much more sensitive (including the clitoris) than it was before pregnancy. However, you might not feel like having sex, and that’s fine too (and not unusual at all).

The vagina may be more swollen with blood flow — making you seem “tighter”. It may also be more sensitive than usual. That’s why penetrative sex during pregnancy may feel different inside than it used to.

Your rectum might also change colors (or be more sensitive) with that increased blood flow as well.

On the other side of that coin, you are at an increased chance of vaginal infections. Yeast infections of vaginitis may cause itchiness. Also, increased vaginal discharge is a normal symptom of pregnancy. Your vagina is just different all around.

With all those changes it can be intimidating — grab my positive affirmations to manifest a great pregnancy & delivery:

Does Sex Feel Different When Pregnant?

Well, your boyfriend may say that you feel different inside during pregnancy, but you might not feel any different at all. Or, you might not feel anything different til your second trimester, or later. The stages of pregnancy will definitely bring differences to your sex life.

Does sex feel different when pregnant for a woman?

It may hurt more due to the increased blood flow to your vagina (and you may spot a tiny bit after sex — if you are ever concerned by any amount of bleeding, please do call your doctor or midwife). Your partner may feel different to you too!

Sex may also not be something you want for a variety of reasons:

• You’re more tired — and sex is another “job” to do
• You aren’t eating much as morning sicknesss takes over
• Not a fan of your body
• Emotional changes with everything that’s going on
• Worried about him hurting the baby (don’t worry, we’re going to chat about that too).

Pregnancy sex is just different. But, your sex life with your partner is still important. Maybe take some time to cuddle, and feel more connected to start with.

Does Sex Feel Different in Early Pregnancy?

I have had some people message me wondering this one — like, it’s a sign of pregnancy?

I don’t think any studies or data proves this out. However, emotions heighten in pregnancy, and a lot of sex is emotional, so it may well feel different.

As soon as the baby starts to grow those tissues will start to get more blood flow (and that increases as pregnancy progresses). So, it could feel different.

Hard to say if SEX is actually different, or if somehow everything has just changed now that you know you’re going to be a new parent?

Can sex in pregnancy harm my baby?

So, once your baby is conceived and attaches to the uterine lining your body starts to build something called the mucus plug. It’s sort of like a “cork” at in your cervix (the opening to your uterus). This is one of the physical changes you have no idea is happening.

But, that mucus plug is there to keep any harmful bacteria away from the baby, the amniotic fluid, your amniotic sac and your uterus. Which makes sexual intercourse OK for most pregnant women.

However, please make sure with your provider that you’re OK to have sex and that it won’t hurt your baby or your body. There are some instances like preterm labor, placenta previa or vaginal infections in which you’d need to abstain (at least for a period of time).

As a note, a lot of partners are worried about hurting the baby with sex. So, you can explain to them about the mucus plug and how mother nature is on your side for this one. However, I’d check with your provider about any sex toys that you want to use. And be sure to wash them well after using them since the vaginal changes make you more likely to have an infection.

And remember, if penetrative sex is a no-no there are always plenty of other ways to be sexual with each other. Even just spending time together can feel intimate — and this even makes that time productive!

Can orgasms cause harm to the baby?

Most often, if your pregnancy is routine, an orgasm isn’t an issue. However, if you’ve had issues with preterm labor (or some other issues), they will recommend you not have orgasms, as it releases oxytocin — which can put you into labor.

Orgasms can cause labor (although, not always). So, talk with your doctor or midwife if you have ANY questions.

Usually this is only an issue in the second trimester, and in the beginning of the third trimester (after 37’ish weeks you’ll start to be READY for that baby to come out).

Right after that first pregnancy test happens, you’re in your first trimester — but normally sex at this point is OK. Baby is well protected by a thick uterus. Check with your provider if you have ANY questions about you and your circumstances though.

What if I don’t want to have sex?

The majority of women will have times in their pregnancy that they do not want to have sex. There are just so many changes to your body, and so many demands of a pregnant woman’s body, you may not feel in the mood as much — and that’s OK. In fact, some men said the same thing — they too are just burdened by all the changes.

It might help to discuss what you’re feeling with family or friends. They may have some good ideas, and talking about all these things with your partner is a good idea. Often men find these changes fascinating as nothing is happening to their body!

Things like:

• Changes in body shape may make the things that used to be fun, less fun.
• Those changes might make a woman feel insecure about their body
• Sometimes the partner commenting on all the changes can be annoying — tell them to stop raving over how different you feel!
• Your desire for sex is down, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love them
• Your breasts may hurt and no longer be supple and softer

As with everything, communication is key for this one.

Your partner should know that your feelings will change a lot from early pregnancy til’ when you’re closer to your due date. You’re likely to experience a lot of changes during this time.

Grab my partner tips here:

As you can tell, there’s LOTS of changes to your body that can change a LOT of things… In my experience, most of the time I was so tired when I was pregnant I wasn’t up to much, but every few weeks my libido would rise and my husband was very happy. So — it really just depending week to week.

Pro Tip: After delivery, your provider will recommend six weeks of pelvic rest (with means nothing in the vagina).

What I really recommend is to take a prenatal class together. The Online Prenatal Class for Couples was created to help couples to prepare together. It’s one of the most connecting things you can do during your pregnancy. And who knows, after you cuddle watching the videos, maybe you’ll be in the mood for something else.

And, if you’re not quite sure you’re ready for that whole thing, check out my free prenatal class. It’s your first step toward getting in the driver’s seat of your birth.

And, if you’d like to learn more on this topic, I have a video for you too:

The post My Boyfriend Says I Feel Different Inside During Pregnancy appeared first on The Pregnancy Nurse®.